Everyone has some different theory on what self-confidence is, or how to get it. So who’s right? And what are the key steps to get, or to maintain complete confidence in yourself? I’m confident that I can help you get some real answers for this today.
Since being a teenager, I’ve been through this journey of thinking and reflecting on confidence. And one of the funny things I learned about this belief in yourself, is that it evolves and changes over time. This is because there are three different components of confidence that are involved.
When we are younger, in our teens or twenties, we might feel or observe in others, a type of confidence that is “irrational.” You might even call it irrational exuberance! This is the natural confidence you see in a happy baby, child, or teenager. This reflects the joy of being alive.
And over time, in the thirties, forties, and adult years, a deeper type of confidence also emerges, the confidence of knowing the self. In other words, it is a healthy self-awareness that shines both inward and outward. This confidence of the self is calmer, yet deeper and stronger.
Finally, the third piece is domain competence, knowing a topic deeply and thoroughly. And what does it take to become an expert or master in a given field? You might have heard of the 10,000 Hour Rule. People argue if this rule is accurate or not, but that’s just to make it easy to remember. I’ll show you what it really means later below.
So here are the three cornerstones of confidence we just talked about:
To achieve and maintain true confidence, I had to learn and master not just one, but all three of these! This is why, at first, confidence can seem so mysterious and complicated. Yet like any big problem, when we break it down into simple pieces, it gets super easy. So when I understood all 3 major pieces, and how to achieve results in each area, I was golden.
I’d like to share with you a few of the details for each component of confidence, so you can get great results in your life as well.
Joy of Being Alive
How do you express your joy for life? Do you smile at yourself in the mirror? Sing in the shower in the morning? Do a little dance in the kitchen? Or just joke around with your friends!? All of these contribute to our joy for life! This comes from a combination of feelings, thoughts, and actions which I practice every day: playfulness, gratitude, self-love, expressions of joy, humor, and social fun.
Knowing the Self
This one is more challenging to put into words because it’s not just some words in your head. It’s actually physically present in your body and integrates with a healthy awareness and processing of emotions. Just like feeling when I’m hungry, or a muscle is sore, I can feel aligned or unaligned within myself. I can then look and decide what I need to be in good inner alignment.
This itself has 3 major parts: Which things my body needs right now, what I need for a healthy emotional state right now, and what do I want to express or put into reality & actions in the world today. So that includes things like my fitness and health habits, emotional processing, and meaningful actions each day.
The first 2 lead to actually doing those real actions in the world which are meant for me. So this list is very personal for each and every person. Just for some examples, it might include things like work which you love doing, a fun activity you really enjoy, and some kind of creative expression. I’ve invested a bit of time to build my own personal list, and the benefits I got from this are just amazing.
Expert in a Topic
Finally, I wanted to get really good at something. So I worked hard at it. And depending on where you are in life right now, you might already be an expert in something, or on the way to becoming a master in something new. Either way, be proud of what you have achieved and feel confident in yourself for knowing it. Also take the opportunity to share it with other people, because that process of sharing, it contributes even further to your own self-confidence.
Putting It All Together
Ok, so it’s that simple, yet it takes practice, right!? For sure! For myself, I know it helps to maintain balance and discipline, which keeps me and my self-confidence as strong as ever. How is your self-confidence right now? Which of these areas are going well for you, and which ones need a boost?
I’d love to hear your thoughts and experience on this. So be confident to express yourself to other people and drop me a message. In the meantime, I wish you healthy confidence and much success.