Do you ever feel that you are too agreeable with people? Perhaps with people from your workplace or even with your friends? Well, If you didn’t feel that way, you wouldn’t search the term “How to stop being available all the time” and end up here!
We as humans tend to have FOMO, which makes us say yes to everything that comes our way. What can we do about it?
Famous psychologist Maslow, when describing human needs, decided to place love and psychological needs on the Top 3 of the needs hierarchy. He believed that humans must build relationships with people and have a sense of belonging. I mean, it’s true, a stranger smiling at us on a subway can really make our day. Or being a part of a nice little tribe of people. So subtle, isn’t it?
Of course, you also know, many of us try to complicate everything by giving more than we receive! In relationships, in friendships, at our workplace, or in our family. We’re trying to get rid of the FOMO and have a feeling that we belong. I won’t say that it’s wrong. but does the other person really appreciate your effort?
Have you given this some thought?
Now, I’m going to tell you something that will help! You just want to practice often, which will help you learn to say NO to situations that are not appropriate.
For instance: A workplace friend asks if you can attend a webinar for them.
But before you reply, just take a moment to:
- Take a break and stop for a moment, pause.
- Ask them for more details (do you really want to sit in a boring webinar for them?!)
- Tell them politely you will give them an answer later today, or tomorrow.
- Review the advantages and disadvantages carefully. Is this person always helpful to you? Do you owe them a favor? Or is this someone who is always taking from you, and never giving back?
Check your schedule and other needs. Are you able to this right now while maintaining your health and your own responsibilities?
Think again: Is this really a balanced decision for you?
- Just review one last time.
- Tell them politely, you need time to think about it and will give them an answer today or tomorrow.
- For “big things” sleep on it for a day or more (you might wake up with your answer!)
Make sure you don’t reach out just to say yes! Doing this just for the sake of being a good person or a friendly colleague is an incomplete analysis! It’s good to be a friendly person or someone who helps others out, yet also think how this fits into your balanced life. Being too agreeable can leave you tired, sick, and without any self-respect. (which is not at all good, believe me!)
BUT, You don’t wanna reply with a blunt NO?
A little bit of diplomacy can go a long way. You can simply tell them, you would love to help, but that you don’t have the time or energy to do this right now. I mean, how diplomatic can you be?! If you like the person, you can also thank them for thinking of you, so that they will still like to speak with you next time.
And thus your priorities become aligned:
Respecting Your Boundaries is Important!
It’s always said that love knows no boundaries and that there shouldn’t be any boundaries between you and your friends & family. But the truth is: the MORE you love someone and are close to them, even good friends, then it is especially important for boundaries to be clear. Thus you both have plenty of space so you can maintain your own growth and balance, and then enjoy the time together even more. And then your relationship will be even better!
You should be aware of the amount of availability you express towards others. It’s important that you have a set of basic guidelines about how you wish to be treated, since only then will you be able to protect your emotional health and your self-worth.
But how is setting boundaries helping me with self-worth and confidence?
The more available you are to people, the more they will start taking you for granted. Why do we value gold and silver? Because they are in limited supply! You are more precious than gold! Therefore, show the same limited availability before your own value goes down.
Setting Your Boundaries and Saying NO
Now that you have a plethora of information about saying no, you now know how to stop being available and setting boundaries! I also want to ask you to add meditation to your daily routine. This will help you calm your mind and think productively. Just 5 minutes a day is fantastic.
So, here we are!
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